Why does this keep happening to me? - Get Yourself Out of the Cycle
Recently, I found myself facing a familiar challenge.
It was frustrating because it was the same issue I’ve dealt with before - not once, but a few times over the years.
My first reaction was:
“Why is this happening to me again?”
And then I asked myself a better question:
“Why is this same challenge showing up in my life again?”
What is it trying to teach me that I clearly haven’t understood or learned yet?
That’s what it comes down to.
Challenges don’t just show up randomly.
They circle back until we stop, pay attention, and listen.
The Universe is patient, it will keep nudging us until we choose to take action and choose to grow.
These challenges come to us as learning opportunities.
The universe will never give us something that we can’t handle, but if you ignore the deeper lesson, the same pattern will repeat.
It often gets louder each time, until you finally shine your awareness on it and take aligned action.
For me, this lesson should have been clear from the start.
Two of my closest friends gifted me the book Defy and have told me before that I need to believe in myself and to not let people walk over me.
They had seen this cycle repeat in my life more than once. And so had I.
I started reading Defy and this book talks about the importance of speaking up, using your voice, and no longer shrinking yourself to make others comfortable.
It invites you to stop playing small for the sake of keeping the peace, and instead start taking real ownership of your worth.
Here are some of the key takeaways from Defy that have really spoken to me during this time:
Stop self-silencing: We often stay quiet to keep the peace or avoid judgment. Speaking up, especially when it's uncomfortable, is essential for growth and change.
Trust your inner wisdom: You already know what feels aligned. Learn to trust yourself over the pressure to conform or please others.
Challenge the status quo: Defying expectations and norms isn’t rebellion, it’s leadership. True progress comes when we question what’s not working and step forwards.
Own your power: Don't shrink yourself to fit into spaces that don't support you. Own your strength, use your voice, and take up space.
Make bold choices: Playing it safe might feel comfortable, but it won’t get you where you truly want to be. Boldness creates new opportunities.
Recognise repeated patterns: If the same challenge keeps surfacing, it's likely a sign to take action, try a new path or stand up for what you want and what you value.
One of the situations I was facing involved working with someone whose values just didn’t align with mine.
I knew it and I ignored it.
I kept showing up, doing my work, focusing on the parts I loved. But this will also dim your light. Being in that kind of environment doesn’t allow you to show up as your highest, fullest self.
It can block your energy and slow your growth.
And when you don’t act on that intuition and gut feeling, the Universe will end up doing it for you.
It slams the door shut on your face or flips everything upside down.
That happened.
And suddenly, a weight I didn’t even realise I’d been carrying dropped off my shoulders.
Since then, new opportunities have flowed in effortlessly.
Things started aligning in ways they hadn’t before.
New things are able to come in because I cleared space.
I finally made the unconscious conscious and took a moment to see where I’m feeling fear and imposter syndrome and where I’m holding judgements based on the past.
Now I am saying, “No more.”
It’s not always easy to speak up.
It can be scary to go against the grain, especially for those of us who’ve learned to avoid conflict or try keep others comfortable.
Staying silent often keeps us stuck in the same cycle, running into the same walls, until eventually the Universe sends a dramatic wake-up call, sometimes more painfully than it needs to be.
So, I want to leave you with a few questions to reflect on, in case you’re feeling like you’re in a loop too:
Journaling Prompts
What challenges or patterns keep repeating in my life, and how do they make me feel?
What lesson might this situation be trying to teach me?
What values of mine are being compromised and what values do I want to honour?
Where in my life am I staying quiet, when I really need to speak up?
What am I afraid will happen if I step into my power?
Who in my life supports and champions the highest version of me?
What environments feel aligned, and which ones feel heavy or misaligned?
What would it look like to believe in myself even if it upsets others?
What needs to be accepted, released, or changed so that I can grow?
